THE BEING
Believe this
you are whole-
as in
heart and
hunger, delve
into life
not in form
but in, the
being for
so much
time. Poems
tell none.
Yes
you are
all,
how can
being take
whole. With
awe, awe.
I saw brightness
and dark light
a being
yearning. Wondering
is the heart.
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Thought it was interesting that the mention of a narrator or "I" only comes into play near the end. I like how your piece is focused on "you" unlike the original which is "I". Also liked the mirroring of the repetition of the italicized line.
ReplyDeleteYour rendition has many of the same qualifications of the original, yet you have made it your own. The sense of loneliness and desperatin. Also, the slight change in narrative seems to has a more climactic feel to is. "I saw brightness and dark light a being yearning". It has a great feel of magic throughout the entire piece.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I enjoyed your choice to use "I" in the ending as well, and felt the hunger and the yearning in the piece. Good word choice. The repetition was clear and held through the piece.
ReplyDeleteI thought this was so interesting. You have captured Creeley's physical style with a little existential twist. Creeley's subjects were very concrete, and while yours is based on a concrete thing, the theme is more abstract and spiritual. Awesome.
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