He is home again,
time to hide the liquor
If she asks where he's been,
he'll throw her down and kick her.
"Are you hungry? Have you ate?"
she hopes to avoid a beating.
"No you whore, I was out on a date,
and that means I was eating."
He looks for his bottle of whiskey,
but it's no where to be found.
She knew hiding his alcohol was risky,
and she continues not to make a sound.
They circle around the room
and she gets ready for the first strike.
Upstairs little Timmy hears a loud boom,
welcome to the home of Jenny and Mike.
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Nice take on the "My Papa's Waltz" poem. Could really imagine the abusive, drunk husband. Like the rhyming scheme of the poem- "whisky" with "risky," "room" with "boom."
ReplyDeleteRhyming poems. Can't say I've ever successfully written one, so the fact that you were able to create one, and STILL be able to convey such a sad image in quite a feat.
ReplyDeleteIt's great how you bring Timmy in at the end, it adds a distance and a perspective to what is going on in the poem, that brings in a story to the characters.
This was very well done, I was pleased you kept up with the rhyme scheme.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, this was cool. Yeah I agree, it's hard to make things rhyme without seeming like you tried too hard. Well done, well done, well done.
ReplyDeletevery well done! while not as discrete as the actual poem it conveys a very similar theme and draws out similar feelings from the reader. Also, like everyone else, I am very impressed by the successful rhyming.
ReplyDelete