Wednesday, April 7, 2010
I ask my friend Kelly what her birthday wish is, and she says, with a giggle (indicating that she is obviously excited about her upcoming birthday): to go somewhere exciting, to receive lots of gifts... She asks me what I want for my birthday, but I do not want to answer her. I have been dreading my birthday all month, wishing it could somehow be skipped. After a few days of more people bugging me about my upcoming birthday, I think the most honest answer to my friend Kelly would be: for my birthday I want to learn to want nothing. Is this wrong? She wants to receive tons of gifts, and I want to receive nothing from anyone. I know by wanting nothing I may be making her look and feel bad. She may feel like I am trying to be more humble than her to prove my maturity. I feel that I am being caring at this point of my life. Would I be making her look bad if I say that I want nothing even though she wants everything? That's not all. I have been telling Kelly for over two weeks now that I don't need to receive things to have things. After having twenty five birthdays, and receiving numerous gifts from people that may still be in my life or not, I came to the realization that I got nothing. People give us gifts in life. We like them or we don't. We keep them or we wont. What happens to those gifts as time goes by. Nothing. I wanted certain things in life, so I worked for them. Some of them I was able to get, and others were out of my reach. But nothing I ever bought ever made a difference. Why don't THINGS ever make a difference? So, why would my birthday wish be "to receive gifts" when everything I'll receive, will disappear eventually? Maybe this year I will change my wish; to ask for nothing.