The Ladies
I draw mine
like the red
watery lips
of painted
Ladies. I
dream of my
shoes saying
click, click
good morning
moonlight. And I
will smile as
they do, raising
my pluming
cigarette to those
red, watery lips.
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Well done on replicating the stilted line use. You cut it up in a way that allows each groupings of words to get their own considerations, though you also introduce a factor of repetition that adds poetry to it.
ReplyDeleteYou were successful in imitating the fragmented and choppy structure. The imagery was vivid and eye catching. I really liked this piece because it felt very true to life, especially with the image of bringing a "cigarette to those/ red, watery lips."
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