One hand on mine, the other clasped around
A tiny plastic cup filled with courage
The smell in the glass, the smell of your breath
Your conforting chest rests against mine with confidence
Inebriated beyond comprehension you smile
Not caring about our not so innocent past
The sway of the music, the naughtiness of your hips
Tensing the moment more than it needs to be
My hand rests on your back, you slide it down
Whispering in my ear thoughts of passion
I steer you away as different eyes match mine
My friend, your ex, examines our embrace
Jason Yelland
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I really like how you kept the same rhythm and theme of alcohol to the My Papa's Waltz, but changed the message to a lighter tone, but a very familiar tone. "Inebriated beyond comprehension you smile Not caring about our not so innocent past" I thought these lines were very effective and relatable.
ReplyDeletei like that this is about a high school reunion because the images so accurately reflect the high school experience (insecurity,innocence, temptation, jealousy)
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting imitation! Enjoyed reading it. I love the whole high school experience you chose to work with :)
ReplyDeleteI thought this was such a small moment explained so well. I especially liked how you talked about eyes glancing. Such a small detail that explains so much.
ReplyDeleteI like the unusual structure of the piece, making it feel sort of choppy and awkward as if the speaker was not originally a great waltzer. There is a sort of rhythm that mimics the style of dancing as well. It is very effective.
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